Miss Mich

I dunno what’s up with me but I am seriously depressed. I know this feeling, I get in every month. Usually two to three days before I get my menses.

The feeling that the world is a cold, dark and colourless heartless empty hollow selfish place.

But it gets worse. Already you’re trying your best to think positive, believe in the goodness of the earth and be peaceful but things happen and you get right back to the deepest of ocean beds and lie there motionless, thinking, this is the worst feeling you could ever feel. (When in fact, you’ve been hurt more than that)

Fought with my brother. Well, I can’t remember the last time we fought. Maybe 6 or 7 years ago. But tonight we fought. And that hurts. I think this is the worst PMS I’ve ever had. I don’t like to fight with my brother because he’s never angry. And if I manage to make him angry, what does that say about me?

I cried. Maybe a teardrop. After that I felt better. But still depressed over the idea of fighting with him. We didn’t shout or anything, he didn’t hit me or anything, I didn’t get scolded, it’s just me I guess. It was just his tone of voice and his angered looks… it just made me feel like I’m the worst person on earth.

On top of all of that, I cut my hair real short. I think I look like a hideous hyena.

Bye. For now.

1. Cannot eat the chocolate his girlfriend bought for him even though it is 20 cent and that you can replace it later by buying it at 7-eleven
2. Cannot wear his shirts, if they are gifts from his girlfriend
3. Cannot drink water from his bottle even if you can replace it later
4. Can use the internet for as long as you want as long as it is after office hours (since it’s a home office)
5. Can eat whatever you want (if you find any food around the house, that is)
6. Can sing in the shower, cuz he won’t be listening anyway (he’s always on the phone with the -guess who?- girlfriend of course)

7. cannot take more than 15 minutes to pass motion, or else he’ll think you a freak

8. cannot put your feet on the chair

9. cannot wear dull colours for your top and your pants

10. cannot leave the house without him acknowledging your attire
And some other random things:
1. I think I am falling in love again with the same guy and it’s a great feeling and it debunks my belief that love can only fade!
2. My sister has a tendency to be more street smart than book smart, whereas my brother is a definite book smart boy (and the other brother is a gamer, the skinny type)

3. I am still demotivated after reading a motivational book, as always

4. My sister likes to say ‘cheng fa biao’ (chinese for  jadual sifir)

5. Dhaka is a dusty, crowded, hot place but the people I met there were very sweet (but never sweeter than their dessert which are always too sweet to be true/edible for me)

6. Yes, I am confused with my life at this juncture.

7. It sucks to be subjected to my brother’s rules. (just because he pays the rent…)

I read in someone’s blog that today is Singles’ Day.

So here goes my well-intentioned list of why Single Women are better off than Double Women.

1. You don’t have to worry about how your hair looks like in the morning cuz nobody you care enough to please is gonna webcam you that early anyway

2. you don’t need to worry about sleeping late cuz you don’t have to wake up that early to webcam with him

3. you can eat onion, garlic, petai and did i mention garlic? stuff like that because no one’s gonna sit so close to you to know your breath has a tinge of petai in it
(after scrupulously brushing, flossing and listerine-ing for about an hour and a half)
4. you don’t need to be afraid of those situations where your friends ask you where he is and you immediately go blank and say ‘I dunno!?’

5. you don’t need to tell your mum that he’s not exactly from the same family background as yours, (and if you’re being totally honest here, that he’s not even from the same ground as yours, which by the way is known as ‘territory’ in International Law) and erupt your mum’s sleeping-volcanic-temper

6. you don’t have to justify to your siblings why you actually even thought of going out with him when it is as obvious as Clinton-Lewinsky affair that he’s 0.03265mm shorter than you (and this your siblings claim is discernible from a distance!)

7. Nobody will stop you if you feel like pigging out (for the whole week)

8. you swim because you think it’s gonna improve your metabolism rate, not because you think it makes your ass look tighter and when your behind doesn’t seem to be improving, you get disheartened and stop swimming altogether. (At least metabolic rate can improve psychologically but there’s no such thing as psychologically good looking ass cuz it just stays there and won’t go up and no matter which angle you try to position yourself in front of the mirror, it’s still there halfway between your knees and your ankles!)

9. you can totally act like a fool (or in cases like mine, just be yourself) and no one’s gonna associate your stupidity with him AND more importantly VICE VERSA!

10. You can go ‘Julia Roberts’ for as long as your big pink heart desires

So there goes!

A simple e-mail today made my day. It’s nice to know that the people we least expect to keep in touch with are the ones we eventually write to… And it’s more flattering to think that he’d think I am a ’smart girl’. Of course, he’s just being diplomatic (please comment below and say that I am wrong here, hehe)

Anyways, I gotta give out the best of wishes to my long lost (touch) best friend, Jacynthea James on her 24th Birthday which was last April the 17th. I am sorry this is a belated wish, but it’s with best regards and warmest love I wish you Happy 24th Birthday, girl!

see you guys around soon!